Please watch this. I’m trying to figure out how this man lives with himself.
Archive for the ‘Uncategorized’ Category
Anyone here have any pets?
It’s such bullshit you burn so little calories having sex. Such bullshit. How the fuck am I gonna get rid of these love handles when you barely burn a calorie a fucking a minute?! This week is gonna suck. I can actually feeeeellllllllll the fat growing. Ugh. Just call me Tons of Fun. At least my tummy is happy.
I hate my husbands driving. Mind you, I’m not exactly endowed with the best driving skills in the world. I text while driving (I’m trying really hard to curb that bad habit) I talk on the phone, I play solitare at red lights and I speed. I do howeve wear my seatbelt thanks to the excessive beeping my car emits 20 seconds are the engine turns over.
That being said. My husband is a real asshole behind the wheel. He drives like he behaves when he isn’t behind the wheel of a car- with an inflated sense of entitlement. He rides peoples asses, speeds in school zones, swears at other drivers, and is constantly hard stops. The last bad habit pisses me off to no end. I used to work on very large automobiles in a past life, and I’ve gone through quite a few cars and brake pads to know that an excellent way to burn through your brand new brake pads (not to mention warping shit) is to go from 50 mph to a dead stop within 15 ft or less.
Now, my car may not be brand new, but it’s new to me. And one of the nice things about this car is the fact the brakes work on it. No shuttering, whining, grinding or screaming. It also helps because everytime you hit the brakes the battery gets charged. I like this car and I’m babying the fucking shit out of it. James on the other hand, he doesn’t. Like I said, he drives like an asshole and he does it intentionally because he knows it bothers me to the point of nagging so he’ll be able to bitch about my nagging with just cause.
Now, even though I hate his driving, what I hate even more are the gasps, sign and teeth grindage that comes along with me behind the wheel and Hubby Dearest sitting shotgun. One would expect with all the sound effects that come out of his mouth I’m driving the wrong way down a one way street. So, usually when we’re in the car together 90% of the time he’s driving. He drives my car more than me and he’s gone half the week. That’s actually a testament to how little I work and my lack of a social life more than anything, but you get the point. No female empowerment in THIS car.
He also farts. A lot. And only cracks the window like an inch when they are the type of farts that would knock a bull elephant out cold for an hour. One would think there was a rotting animal carcass in his butt. It’s quite rank.
Not to get off topic, or back on, but he’s currently fucking around with his iPhone and I type this out.